Christmas on Zack island
by Chi Sins
Summary: This is Wolf here this is something I made during Christmas and has been read by Razzabaire so enjoy it OK. R & R folks OK any reply is better than none.
1. Painful start

Authors note: OK I'm no funny guy but I like if you can say what you think  
  
Disclaimer: DOA and all characters belong to Temco (lovely for them) and the only character that belongs to me is Kai Law that is all.  
  
Warning: this fic contains disturbing scenes that should read at your own risk so please if you do die or suffer eternal nightmares because of this fic please do not sue me.  
  
Painful start  
  
Touching down the plane skit to a halt on the sandy landing of the islands airport. The passengers disembark from plane muttering as if they just seen their football team lost in a match. If we are to sway to the crowd we see them shuffle away from the ridiculous plane they had to catch. One of them walks to the check out door. His dark brown hair is a little long having it go down to his shoulder length with a band to tie them so to form a small ponytail, his slight tan of a hot country while his blue eyes look round with curious thoughts. His clothes are consisting of a pair of black shorts and a white vest while his right hand he held his baggage, his hand went to his side and he flips out a pair of sunglasses. A few of the passengers look at him with odd expressions "what?" he asks wondering what they were staring at, he is a street fighter and look very much a aggressive person to start a fight "your glasses" came the answer to the man.  
  
He took off his shades and inspect them only to see that someone had swap his Blade shades with PINK star shape damn glasses. He threw it down and stamp on it "oh my" came a woman voice from the crush shades "what?" ask the man. He stamps it once more "oh yeah baby" came another comment from the glasses, "weird" he began to walk away "come on big boy" the voice came again.  
  
The looks back at the plane he was force to take. The plane is a normal private jet but the paint job made him shiver at what the 'owner' did to the plane. The plane has on the side written in neo Green "Funk plane." To stand out so you can see it on the other side of the Atlantic while it was airborne with the plane coloured in all manner of colour that made even the man want to run away from it, and the colour of the plane made it look like it's the plane for Austin powers all it was missing is the word "swinger".  
  
The planes nose is like any ordinary planes of a cone shape. This plane has small golden figure of a woman with the woman wearing only a Bikini. The woman has short hair blown back while she's bent over to blow a kiss but the details, of what he heard, also show her generous cleavage she's giving to anyone in the sky. He thought that if a passenger plane went by the pilot would be looking at the small statue and probably collides with someone, most likely Martians who were also staring at the statue.  
  
He been told it's the image of the one he's after "damn this pervert!" he swore at the owner of the damn plane, and the island for that matter as well.  
  
He turns to see the rest of the passengers that are walking by. Normal people most of them are but a few caught his eye.  
  
He wonders who they are while some he want to run before they know where he is. Walking by he sees one of them swaying left and right quite violently "what is up with him?" the man asks himself looking to see the man has white hair tied back as a high loose pony tail wearing a pair of shorts of neo green, for some strange reason. While his loud shirt of pink made the Man want to stay away from drunk, who is holding a brown jug while walking "hmmm he looks familiar?" the man thought.  
  
Walking by the checkout the drunk walk into a pillar and walk a few paces back then walks into the pillar again and takes a few paces back then walk into the pillar again and again and again and again and... (AN: you get the picture.)  
  
"What an idiot!"  
  
The man thought watching the drunk try the sixth time "might as well help him" the man grab hold of the drunk and he pulls him away from the pillar and directs him to the pass port area  
  
The man looks at the drunk more closely and recognise him "hey aren't you Brad Wong?"  
  
Brad looks at the man "so are you one of the lovely girls come to serve me?"  
  
Brad asks "shut up!" the man mutters "wow what lovely language you speak can you start giving me that massage they were advertising here?" The man didn't stop "yeah I'll give you a massage beginning with a beating to your head!" Brad smiles "OK then we'll arrange it in my room just bring my luggage" Brad tells the man who shook his head in disbelief at what Brad is saying.  
  
Brad sway his head up and down like one of those items you have in a car that has a head to nod all over the place  
  
"yep that's me" Brad began to laugh "that's funny I swear I was walking to see someone... who was it?" the man didn't care and drag him away before he damage the place. When he reaches the check out he look to see a young girl darkly tan sitting behind the counter, wearing a yellow Hawaiian shirt with pictures of Hawaii with a large smile looking at Kai while he drags Brad along.  
  
"your passport please" she asks extending her hand to him to hand to him. He reaches in and brought his passport and waits "hmmm Kai Law" the woman asks looking up "yeah I'm here because I got a letter from the host of this island." The woman began to giggle "what?" Kai asks "well sorry but the owner was actually planning on inviting Jessica Law" Kai sighs "sorry but she had an accident and gave it to me... don't know why would she hand this to me" Kai then look to Brad "well don't you have your passport?"  
  
Kai asks since he's now helping Brad he might as well help him get through as well "I left mine in the bar" Brad hicks "which bar?" Kai asks knowing the answer too well "in old Kowloon bar"  
  
Kai looks to the woman and sees her name tag saying "Lisa" he thinks for the moment when Lisa giggles again "you two make a cute couple."  
  
Kai gave a dark look only to have Brad swing his arms round Kai "oooo I want a kiss." Kai look to see Brad eyes are closed, his lip made a small sucking noise waiting for someone to kiss him.  
  
Kai oblige to the request.  
  
A fist came in and sent him through the check out into an ice cream stand "wow I have ice cream all over my hair!" Brad shouts before falling back and knocking out "well there's your kiss mate!" Kai shouts "don't worry Brad is well known he won't be sent back" Lisa replies giggling "thanks and may I ask who is the owner of the island?" Lisa smiles then points to something outside.  
  
Kai trace his eyes to the point where Lisa is pointing to be greeted by a big statue that is coloured gold of a man pointing to the sky and from what Kai could tell the statue the man is in a Santa Claus out fit.  
  
"Welcome to Zack Island I hope you enjoy your stay." Kai didn't reply and stomps off" I think I should had refuse that ticket when I had the chance" grumbles Kai.  
  
He walks to the hotel to be greeted by some people but he mainly stay out of big crowds "hey" he turns round to see the one person he didn't want to see "Brad" Kai thought "sorry about me trying to hit with you but I was a little..." "drunk?" Kai finishes for Brad "yeah that's right" Brad replies "anyway so you been invited to the island I see" Kai shrugs "well the ticket is from a friend who said 'can you go to the island and return with a present please?' how could I say no"  
  
Brad laughs "so you're here because of a woman?" Kai smiles "yes and no" Brad looks intrigued "yes I' am here for my friend but no I'm here because I never been on holiday before." Brad slaps Kai on the back "well you're in the right spot since all the Dead Or Alive contenders are coming here as well" Kai look to Brad "WHAT?"  
  
Kai shouts making everyone look at him "boy didn't she tell you all DOA contenders are coming here" Kai began to panic "hey I'm not going to fight anyone here I want a holiday."  
  
He began to run for the air port and smash through the gate ripping the doors off its hinges when he sees the gruesome plane and his only savour leave, "NNNOOOOOOOO!!!" Kai shouts into the air.  
  
Soon Kai return to see Brad still standing the spot he last left him grinning from ear to ear like a damn clown "well you're stuck here for three weeks" Brad tells Kai who curses silently "so why are you afraid of staying with the DOA contenders?" Kai sighs "because I know a certain person who would..." "Kai!" Came a shout and before Kai could even turn round his face hit the sand. On top of his back is a young Chinese girl of 19 wearing a slender Chinese dress of red with a dragon sewn into the dress while her raven dark hair is tied back into two pig tails and her chestnut eyes look down on the fallen guy "damn it" curse Kai in the sand. Lei Fang smiles "well it's nice to see a familiar face, no?" Kai didn't move but Chinese woman pulls him up "so you know Lei Fang Kai?"  
  
Brad asks watching Kai stand up and look to see Lei Fang smiling "yeah I know her she was the one who keep on getting me in trouble with Jann Lee" Brad smiles "how?" Kai looks to Lei Fang "I keep saying he's manlier than Jann is" Lei replies "I just pray that Jann Lee isn...." His sentence is cut short when he hears a high screech, of what he can tell is a chicken sound, but this chicken sound he knew painful well and is too slow to react.  
  
A flying kick came and hit Kai, the kick didn't just made Kai hit the ground the kick made Kai's head burrow into the sand "don't you ever touch her again" the harsh voice replies "Can't you ever speak with your mouth than with your fist Jann?"  
  
Lei ask looking at Jann Lee standing up right wearing a pair of blue loose trousers with no shirt tied at the waist a black belt. Jann Lee huffs in irritation "you think you can beat me Kai just stand up and fight me then" Kai tries desperately to get his head out of the sand but he couldn't "so you're too chicken and want to keep your head in the sand?"  
  
Kai's finger went to a one finger salute to Jann lee while Kai tries to pull his head out "well at least he knows what to say to you" Lei Fang comments with a smile "he can never beat the dragon!" Lei shakes her head "what ever you say." Brad laughs then looks down to see Kai is raising his hand up and sees it shaking out of pain "oops forgot about you" Brad grabs Kai's Leg and pull and watch Kai head is being yank out.  
  
Soon he is thrown back and lands into the water looking to the sky slightly daze "I wanted to sleep a bit more mom" Kai shouts delirious for a moment "come on Kai I think you need a drink" Brad tells him hauling Kai onto his feet "yeah that will clear my head up."  
  
So they began to walk with Kai shaking his head to get the sand out of his hair and to get some sea water out of his ear as well. When they reach the open bar that's sitting outside the out door pool he saw some of the girls bathing "I'm going be very happy."  
  
Kai whispers to Brad who smiles "oh you seem to be attracted to the fine wine we have here?" Brad asks watching Kai nods "yes I am very interested" the girls only knew they on about the wine, since Brad is only interest in wine.  
  
Kai took a shot of Martini for a starter to get his head straight while brad took a jar of Chinese wine "so can you introduce the others?" Kai asks glancing to the girls with a smile "there is Christie the British assassin" Kai look to Christie swimming in the pool in a black Bikini while her white hair is floating in the water "don't cross her or she'll cross something off yours that you value" Kai made a mental note of that. Next Brad points to a woman with long blond hair wearing a red Bikini "that's Helena she's a French woman and she's mighty fine" Brad finishes taking a swig of the wine. Kai nods and watch Helena aiming a beach ball and is wondering where she is aiming it when Helena strikes.  
  
It slams on the face of the floating Christie then goes up and comes back down again on Christie while she threw her drink into the air and that too came down on her head "OWWW!"  
  
Christie turns to shoot an evil stare at Helena who shoots back an equally evil stare "those two are not in good terms" Brad tells Kai while he nod "two woman I'll try to avoid while I'm here" he tells Brad.  
  
"that's Tina the daughter of Bass" Kai look to see an American woman wearing a white Bikini that barley cover her breasts, the breast seem to sway because of their massive proportion while she walk towards them making Kai think they a pair of oversize bean bags. He instantly forgot he ever thought of that and prays she can't mind read "hello boys care to take a dip with me" Kai instantly knew what his answer is "no thanks I like to live a little longer" Tina looks confuse "whys that?"  
  
Kai breathes out some discomfort of why "I met your father on the plane and was thrown through two seats while we were watching city slickers" Tina looks confuse "how?" Kai shivers "when the scene of the main star jumps into the river to safe his cow your father grabs me by the neck and shouts 'don't met Norman get drowned save him!' then when the damn star got the rope round the cows head he threw me through the seats out of sheer joy, I hate to be around when he's mad."  
  
Kai sighs remembering the painful memory "later he grabs me and asks me a personal question about you and when I said 'I won't do anything to her' he threw me into the screen saying 'oh that what they all say and the next thing I know my little Tini is going have to cope with a broken heart!" Kai moves his neck hearing it clicks "I still got a sore neck for that"  
  
Brad thinks then asks Kai something "wouldn't Bass be thrown off the plane?" Kai smiles "Bass got out of being sent off because of his political skills" Brad looks surprise "I didn't know that Bass could be so political when it comes down to these kind of messes?"  
  
Kai shakes his head "yeah he's a right oh diplomat" Kai tells Brad dryly "he threaten to beat the pilots senseless if they even dare lay a finger on him" Tina smiles "so what did you do?" Kai smiles "easy I put on the motor bike channel for him and that kept him quiet" Kai is still smiling but the smile looks forceful "how long?" Kai smiles turn sheepish "for five minutes" he tells them "he then proceeds to drink with his stash away drinks and soon he was drunk and singing with Brad here as well!" Brad smiles "sorry didn't know what was happening"  
  
Kai bangs his head onto the table "bass is now in the hospital ward for mild concussion when I decided to give him a blow to the head when he decided to say 'you're a fine lad, why not take my daughter" Kai close his eyes and thinks hateful thoughts "why not say yes daddy won't say anything about it." Kai opens his eyes "yeah and get a law suit to kill me" Kai's eyes caught someone walking by the pool with Lei Fang "whose that walking with Lei fang?" Kai asks watching the little beauty with long brown hair tame by a pink hair band, she smiles wearing a Hawaiian Bikini looking like some angel that came down while she giggles with Lei fang "that's Hitomi a karate girl..."  
  
Tina look jealous that Kai attention would be grab by Hitomi "come on boy she's no woman for a man like you" Kai didn't even look up to the fuming Tina who has smoke coming out of her ears.  
  
Brad smiles and finishes his sentence "...and the love of Hayate"  
  
When Kai heard that he instantly made a serious note "do not make Hitomi angry or the consequences will be having her run to her boyfriend and have a Shinobi after your ass!" he thought.  
  
Soon he notice a girl with lavender hair walking towards their table in a purple bikini "hmmm commoners" came the spiteful hiss from the girl. She went by while Kai look to Brad and Tina for answers "that's Ayane a Kunoichi" Kai thinks for a while "anyone tried making advancements to her?" Kai asks "if you're going try chasing her then you better learn Ninjutsu and I mean real quick!" Kai gulps in fear, "She's one tiger that even Hayabusa has problems dealing with" Kai instantly cross Ayane off his "get to know" list knowing he'll probably end up dead or worse.  
  
The last caught his eye lying on the sunbathing chair with copper hair wearing a black Bikini, Tina sees who Kai is looking at "that's Kasumi the most gentle of the Ninjas I seen" Kai smiles "OK probably I got one on my 'get to know' list then" he thought "but of course she's the sister of Hayate and has the biggest crush on Ryu as well." Kai's smile drops to "oh buggar" when he heard that "OK then what's next?"  
  
His answer came when something lands on top of him smashing his head through the table and off his chair so his head is on the floor while his body is bent over  
  
"Who's...on...my...head?" Kai asks his head now pounding "sorry buddy didn't see you there" the voice that has its feet on Kai's head. Kai looks up to see someone with copper short hair in full ninja garments stare down at him with copper eyes "sorry my names Hayate" Kai swallows hard "OK so you're the brother of Kasumi?"  
  
Kai instantly wish he had taken those words back when his body is flying and goes into the pool causing a huge splash "you ever refer to her again I'll kill you!" came Hayate's shout throwing a rose in as well "and the point in that throwing a rose in for?" Brad asks watching Hayate shrugs "seen someone did it so I thought I might as well copy it"  
  
Tina and Brad look to each other then to Hayate with the look of "what?" While Hayate shrugs "hey I'm trying to be cool here" this made them look to each other then to Hayate "why?" look came on "come on no Shinobi has ever been cool so I'll break tradition and be the first cool Shinobi" Hayate walks away humming a tune they didn't know "did Ryu hit Hayate again on the head?" Brad asks and a guilty Ryu pass by "yeah I did..." His sudden appearance made Tina jump a foot high and into the arms of Brad "AAAHHHH!!!" came the scream from Tina while Brad's knees knock into each other of the weight  
  
"You weigh a ton!" Brad shouts and receives a kick for saying that by Tina.  
  
Kai resurfaces with a look that could only be define as "someone save me from these people!" kind of look while he looks to the heavens for an answer, his answer came when a lovely face pops into his sight.  
  
Someone offer him a hand and looks up to see Kasumi "sorry but Nissan is angry still" she tells Kai "or Ryu-san hit him on the head again with that drop again." Seeing he can try and befriend her he accepts the hand, when she pulls she nearly fell in as well because of her light weight. She let go and Kai splash back in then resurface and climbs out instead "sorry but you're heavier than me" Kai shakes his head getting the water out "don't worry at least I got a decent 'bath' since I got here" he puns.  
  
He sighs then a high pitch squeal shatter Kasumi's drink and they look to see someone dress in a, banana, outfit chasing Lisa, it's arm outstretch to ensnare Lisa who is screaming still shattering the glass in the hotel. Crews are beginning to replace the broken glass while Lisa runs by them shattering the glass they were carrying as well.  
  
This made Kai think "what on earth is happening here?" he thought before turning his attention to Kasumi "don't have to apologise but I think my days getting worse and worse" Kai huffs those words out "whys that?" Kasumi asks "well Brad thinks I was a girl when he was drunk then I had Lei Fang knocking me into the sand while Jann Lee deicide to put my head through the sand then your brother put my head through the table then let me have a swim!"  
  
Kai is rather piss off "I'm telling you if this day gets any worse I'm locking myself in my room for the whole vacation" Kasumi giggles "that would be a shame to miss all the fun." Kai sighs "at least you're cheerful" Kasumi giggles a little more "come on at least he and Hayabusa haven't perform a more they been devising." Kai look to Kasumi waiting for the explanation "he grabs you and throws you up, then you come down, he should hit you in the centre of the head but Niisan did it to a guy and hit him in the... you know." She blush at where her brother had obviously hit the poor victim causing Kai to shiver of how much it must had hurt the guy.  
  
The Brad came over to with a overwhelming large red imprint of a hand that had slap him while Tina stalks nearby still angry at what Brad said "so you're still alive, even after Hayate nearly killed you?" Brad asks "well you notice something didn't you?" Kai replies sarcastically "thanks for the help." Kasumi smiles sweetly while they walk off "so you're getting in there with Kasumi, no?"  
  
Brad asks when they out of ear shot range of the young smiling Kunoichi "no I'm not, for that matter won't because she's the brother of the one who put my head through a table!" Brad laughs attracting the attention of someone Kai was hoping not to see so soon "well boy I hope you won't do anything or else you're going be in the ring with me!" Kai backs away as Brad did the same from Bass wearing a PVC plastic skin tight outfit "....OK..." Kai stutters in absolute horror at Bass look "I couldn't find anything else so I borrow one of my daughter's leather suits... I look pretty handsome don't you think?"  
  
Bass went into a pose with his hand at his head while his body wiggle left to right swinging his enormous hips. Brad and Kai kept their distance while walking round to the counter "I'm going have a nightmare tonight thanks to him." Kai mutters to Bass "you're going have nightmares? I'm going have that damn image of him in that suit for life!" Brad replies still horrified by Bass attempt to... appeal to them.  
  
When they arrive at the counter Kai saw standing at the counter the girl known as Ayane "oh boy this can turn ugly real fast!" Kai thought while he leans on the counter to get his keys. Ayane look over to him and he began to quiver knowing too well he was either on her death list or someone to have fun in the torture chamber "so you were the one that provoke Hayate into attacking you?" Ayane asks coolly. Kai looks round giving a sheepish smile "yep and I'm still standing" he tells her "my, my aren't you the brave man" Ayane taunts.  
  
Brad sees this smiles "come on Ayane he just got on the island and is new here" Ayane turns her head away from Brad in what Kai could say is disgust "sticking up for the guy hmmm? Well you only got in because you're a good fighter so don't push it!" Kai is slowly inching away from the lavender hair Kunoichi "and where are you going?" Ayane asks directing the question to Kai "no where" he tells her trying to keep his cool "oh really."  
  
Kai began to pray for someone to save his butt "there you are my little flower" Kai turns round to look who said it and had sign their death wish "Ryu-san" came Ayane cheerful shout running to Ryu "flower? More like a tiger" Kai mutters.  
  
The two walk to the counter "sorry for having Hayate letting loose on you I kind of knock him on the head...again." Ryu apologise for Hayate's sake "don't matter it's not like I had people hit me on the head before" Kai comments with a smile "oh I see" Ayane smiles. Kai had a bad vibe when Ayane said that "now, now I don't want you to sneak off at night and hit him in the head" Ryu tells Ayane with a finger wagging at her "oh I want to have some fun with the new guy" Ayane tells Ryu sweetly.  
  
Kai look to Brad with one look "help" and Brad shot him the look of "you're on your own mate" look "come on can't I play with the new guy tonight with my toys?" Ayane asks again "no you're mine so don't try cheating on me!"  
  
Kai turns to look at the couple... arguing "come on it's just a little fun" Ayane tells Ryu in an innocent voice "I said no I don't want you off with another man" Ryu tells Ayane. Kai couldn't help but butt in "excuse me but the last thing I want is to have to write my will out." The two look at him with a death glare "OK imagine I'm dead" he tells them backing away "oh that can be arrange tonight after I done playing with you" Ayane tells Kai with a small purr "no thanks got to live."  
  
Ayane smiles "oh don't you have a quick mouth... I have one too and it's quick at one thing only" Kai had only one thought and it had something to do with chanting a spell. Brad on the other hand had a more dirtier thought of what Ayane meant "no thanks my head needs some rest" Brad instantly got the wrong impression "oh I'm sure that head of yours will be ready with the right... exercise" came Ayane's little remark. Ryu sighs "come on I don't want to scrape the remains of the poor guys into a coffin!" Brad had another dirty thought as well of what he said "hmmm more like bed" Brad thought while the two couple leave.  
  
Brad lets out a long sigh "man Ayane wants to sleep with you?" Brad asks not getting the conversation at all "brad she was on about torturing me!" Brad beams a very disgust look "what she's going to tie you up while you're doing her in!" Kai's jaw hang down "Brad she is going to kill me!" Brad looks even more disgusted "she's going try and kill you while by doing it?" Kai gives up "man no wonder you drink you got the dirtiest mind in the world!"  
  
Kai retorts to Brad "come on what do you think I do in my spare time?" Kai shudders to think.  
  
Please R&R  
  
Special thanks to Razzbairee for being my co-writer (I owe you one)  
  
What Razzbairee said to me in an email while reading this: Yeah you better owe me!!!  
  
Please don't hurt my tail I love my tail! (hey I'm a wolf at the mercy to a Razzbarie!) 


	2. Kitchen Disaster

Disclaimer: none of them belong to me or to Razzbairee they all belong to Temco/team Ninja but the rights to Kai is owned to Razzbairee... I'm not saying any more  
  
Kitchen disaster  
  
Walking up Kai stops at the door 609 "hmm whose my next door neighbour?" he asks himself, looking he sees pink pedals underneath the door. He slides the key card into the slot on the side of the door of his room and watch the red light turn green for him to open the door. He walks in and sees a moderately large room with a large couch while a large double bed with a small room for the bathroom holding a bath and a shower in the corner next to it.  
  
He place his luggage on a glass table "not bad at all" thought Kai looking round the place "I can get use to this place" he thought and looks to the bed "hmmm why double bed?" he asks himself.  
  
He walk to the balcony and soaks in the beautiful view "wow it's great... except that damn statue!" he thought staring at the statue that's nearby showing its damn rear end at him like a Baboon!  
  
"Damn that guy!" Kai throws a chair and watch the chair smash into the statue "ouch" came a giant boom "what in hell" Kai asks himself watching the statue rub it's rear ends while tears explode from the statue "my rear hurts I want my mommy!" He watch the statue bellows crying "OK" Kai thought inching away from the window leaving the statue to cry,  
  
Soon Kai walks to the restaurant "man I'm starving here" Kai thought. Instantly his stomach growls in acknowledgement like a lion "easy buddy, you'll get fed as well" Kai tells his stomach which responds with a less loud growl "OK I'll get the food, just don't growl again please!" He notice a small sign at the door leading to the restaurant "due to our chef being food poison and having his stomach being pump out of poison I afraid no food will be served today, we apologise for the inconvenience."  
  
Kai's stomach roars in anger "hey I told you not to growl off again!" Kai shouts at his stomach which pouts in response "oh come on it feels like I got two heads here."  
  
When he enters through the double doors a few of the tables are filled with people and he took in the first table with Tina sat with Bass still wearing the skin tight leather suit "man that guy needs to see someone about tight leather suits DO not mix with him!" The next table he found Hayate wearing a black tux while Hitomi is wearing the bikini she was wearing earlier "sorry mate you're not James Bond."  
  
The next Helena wearing a white knee short skirt while the top half she still wears the top Bikini. She sat with a large man crying a river to tears, the man looks Italian, with white hair slick back, while he has a pair of fetching shades and a black vest as well with red trousers as well.  
  
Kai knew that man is Leon and a tough person for that matter. Leon seems to be crying about something and Helena was trying to cheer him up "what got him upset" buckets were place where Leon's river of tears was flooding "at least if they have a fire they know where to get the water." Next Kai spots Lei Fang wearing a lemon yellow bikini with Jann Lee in a white shirt and black shorts and he seems ready to fight "must have a day stick up his butt still" Kai thought passing him.  
  
The next table Christie wears a black bikini sat next to someone that looks Russian wearing nothing but a pair of pink shorts "that would be Bayman... what's up with the pink shorts?" Kai thought watching Bayman pointing at his shorts every so often to Christie "is he showing off his shorts?" At the next table Lisa wore a rainbow colour bikini sitting with Brad who wore a pair of white shorts. As usual he's drinking himself silly and he mistaken a vase of flowers to be a bottle and began to drink the water with the flowers as well "what an idiot."  
  
The last table that leads to the kitchen sat Ryu with Ayane wearing a purple bikini on his left and Kasumi wearing a black bikini on his right "man that guy can attract girls or what!" His stomach growls again and everyone look at him oddly like he has a second head "OK I'm going to get our dinner, sheesh ,can't wait for one second" Kai mutters while the other watch confused.  
  
Soon he came out with a small dish of food he just cooked up and sat down with his back to everyone "oh boy this should be good I'm starving" "WE ALL ARE!" He hears from the shout from behind him. Looking round he saw everyone looking at him and some were drooling especially Bayman and Leon "hey why not make your food yourself?" Kai suggest.  
  
Instantly the guys look at the girls "oh no you don't" came the reply from Christie to Bayman who gave a sweet puppy smile "come on, please, as comrade." Bayman asks with a puppy impression in his eyes sparkling "arrrh those sparkle are blinding me!" came Christie complains and gave Bayman a hard slap. The stars drop out of Baymans's eyes.  
  
"Come on just for daddy" came Bass plea to his daughter "OK dad but if you let me go ahead with that actress career..." Bass looks business like "no I won't let my..."  
  
"Oh I guess you have to wait until the chef returns then" Tina began to walk off "wait sugar plump" Tina turns round "dad can you stop calling me that or do you want me to call you Mr Spankme?" This drew everyone's attention to them "come on, its what I use to call you when you when I was young but it was suppose to be Mr spinky but it turn to Mr Spankme."  
  
Lisa didn't have to move because Brad is drinking.. again, "so do you want anything?" Lei fang asks "I'm not hungry" came Jann Lee's reply crossing his arm in defiance "ok then I guess you're going have to wait till the chefs back."  
  
A thunderous roar is heard from a stomach and all heads turn to Kai "hey I didn't do it my stomachs happy with the food here" then another went off and this cause some of the table to overturn "feels like an earth quake!" Ryu out loud. Then all eyes went to the guilty Jann Lee "OK maybe one hamburger" Lei fang smiles "you may be stubborn in not having food but your stomach isn't."  
  
She looks to Jann Lee stomach "isn't that right" a small growl is heard and some gave strange expression "see great minds think alike" came Lei Fangs comment before skipping away. Helena watches Leon still crying "why is he crying still?"  
  
Kai asks "well he was hoping that the chef make him the ancient super deluxe pizza for Leo here" Kai look at Leon with a series of sweat running down his face "that's why he's crying?"  
  
Helena nods "said the recipe came from an ancient buried pizza restaurant in Italy and has taken years to master and now the chef that works for Zack had finally mastered it but since he's not here Leo has to wait for another two years" Helena tells Kai "waaaaaaaaaahhhh I don't want to wait for another two years!"  
  
Leon cries out the fountain of tears increasing "the chef is only allowed to make this pizza every two years so Leon has to wait another two years now" Helena pats Leon on the back "come on Leo cheer up" Kai went back to eating his food.  
  
Hayate look at Hitomi "OK I'm off cooking" Hayate didn't said a word and watch Hitomi walk off "Hayate's lucky to have someone that likes cooking" Kai thought. But a frying pan came sailing through the air and smack Hayate off his chair "GET IN HERE NOW I NEED HELP HERE IN COOKING!" came a roar from Hitomi from the kitchen.  
  
Hayate drags himself towards the kitchen tears running down his face of what could certainly be death "what's up with Hitomi?" Kai asks "she likes cooking but she needs an assistance and poor Niisan is the assistance" Kasumi explains quickly to Kai.  
  
Kai didn't get it "whenever Hitomi cook her father made the excuse he needs to train but it was really to get away from his daughter who cause more injury with a frying pan than her fist" Kai nods "YOU ARE NOT TO PUT THAT THERE" they heard a whack and something flying in the kitchen "poor guy" Hayate is seen walking by with a frying pan on his hand with a large dent in it as well with tears still flying out of his eyes.  
  
Ryu look to the sisters "so which one of you are going to get something for me to eat?" he asks letting his eyes go to intense mode and stares at the sister with one eye for each sister "stop with the intense stare Ryu" came Kasumi small beg "yeah she's right cut it out." Kasumi hand grabs something and threw it at Ryu. Ryu is thrown off his seat by what Kasumi threw at him "ouch" she hears from the floor "you can say that again" came another voice. Ryu head pops from the table edge and looks at Kasumi "what was that for?" he asks.  
  
Popping up as well came Kai looking at Kasumi "now , what did I do wrong?" he asks looking rather miserable like a puppy "oh he so cute when he's miserable" Kasumi tells Kai, Kasumi ruffle his hair like a dog. Kai is getting a jealous look from Ryu "hey I'm the puppy here so you should be calling me cute" Ryu began to argue going on all fours and put out on hand like a dog with his tongue out panting like a dog, "do this happen often?" Kai asks. "oh don't worry you're still my favourite puppy Ryu" Kasumi pats Ryu on the head "yay" came Ryu triumph cry.  
  
Ayane pinches his ear "honey stop trying to chase the low life" she tells Ryu while he gives small whimper of pain "OK dear can you let go of my ear it's hurting" Ayane smiles "that's what I call cute" Ayane tells Ryu smiling while he looks miserable as well. Kai sighs "I really hate Kunoichis" he walks back to his seat.  
  
Both sisters went off to the kitchen and soon all manner of things are heard ranging from the usual dicing of food to screaming of "that's mine for my Mr Spankme" to "DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Kai finishes his food and walks into the kitchen while the other guys look at him "he's entering the gates of hell" Ryu thought.  
  
When Kai had first entered the kitchen it was clean, but now the place is filled with food of all kinds and plates smash everywhere "man I thought I was bad at cleaning up." Kai thought walking in while all kind of kitchen appliances came flying by him ranging from kitchen knifes to the fridge. Helena is bringing out a pizza that has its toppings lay out to resemble the tower of Paris "creative" Kai thought. Next he found Lei Fang with a knife chopping a hamburger into the shape of a Dragons head "creative as well" Kai thought. Walking by to see Christie making beef stew and began to pour something into it and began to draw something on the beef stew to resemble a dagger "creative" thought Kai.  
  
Hitomi was laying out the food while Hayate stood by still crying like mad while Hitomi makes the sushi in the shape of the moon "wow interesting design" Hayate looking at the food took one and ate it while Hitomi's back was turn. He smiles and has stopped crying, Hitomi spun round and smash a frying pan on Hayate's head "NEVER EAT WITHOUT ME TELLING YOU TO!" Hitomi shouts blowing Hayate off his feet with her shout "at least we know whose boss out of those two" Kai thought while Tina is laying out the Sautéed chicken into the form of a star "interesting" while the last ones are the two sister standing on different bench while Kai went in between them. Ayane thrust her hand out and Kai backs his head back and Kasumi blocks the attack, Ayane attacks again with her feet into a kick and Kai jumps over the kick while Kasumi do the same. Next Ayane kicks straight and Kai backs off. Soon a small war began to wage while Kai is in the middle and he avoided all the attacks with luck on his side. When the sisters are finish Kai crawls to the sink and dump his plates "that... is...the...last...time...I'm...going...to...walk...in...between...them" Kai pants looking round to see all dirty kitchen appliances came at him and soon he's bury by them.  
  
Once he crawled out from all them he walks out to see the men about to taste them while another plate is also made for the girls to dig in as well.  
  
He watches for the results of their cooking.  
  
Bayman looks at Christie with a broad smile "this is the best beef stew I ever had" he kept on smile "oh stop it you're making me blush" came Christie's reply. Bayman didn't stop and kept on smiling "OK you're making me red" Christie tells Bayman her cheeks reddening but he kept on smiling "stop it" Christie is bright as a royal mails red paint job. When Bayman didn't stop she gave him a slap and he fell off his chair frozen to in the same position  
  
Next Bass finish the first Sautéed chicken "YEEEEHAAA that the best!" he shouts out loud, Tina smiles "that's OK Mr Spankme" she tells her father. Bass smiles "This is good" Bass sang the words out "what is wrong with me?" he sang the words out as well "I'm singing like an opera star" he sang. Hayate looks at the food "can I now eat them?" Hayate asks "you may honey" came Hitomi's sweet voice knowing full well if he didn't agree with the food he's going be in the kitchen with the devil again soon. Taking one sushi he eats it "oh My God this is great!" he stops and then has a sudden urge "I need to clean the hotel!" he shouts putting on a pink apron and grabbing a vacuum he runs off "What?" Kai thought. Brad is sleeping as well as Lisa who drank five of Brads wine as well.  
  
Jann Lee look at the hamburger "what is that?" he asks "food silly" Lei fang tells Jann Lee "huh OK I'll try it" he took one bite and much it then swallows it. His eyes are close for a moment, his eyes shot open and he stands up and holds the hamburger. Then shouts so loud that every person on the island can hear him "DELICIOUS!!" he began to cry like a baby with a dumb smile. Lei fang smiles but the next thing happens is when Jann Lee began to giggle "yay that was great I want to do that again!" Kai look at Lei fang wit the look of "what did you put into that food?"  
  
Last Ryu look at the two plates sat before him "oh my which one to choose?"  
  
He looks to the purple dish then back to the pink one "oooo should I choose the love of my life Ayane or should I choose the cute little girl Kasumi" both girls promptly blush at Ryu's words "that guys going get hurt soon" Kai thought.  
  
Ryu took one of each and ate both of them at the same time "bad move, now they going to hit you for not eating them one at a time" the sister didn't look like the mind but the next thing that happen was rather... strange. Ryu then look at his stomach and sees a small lump "that was there before?" then another appears. One of them chase the other while the other ran away, soon Ryu is been beaten up from the inside by the food "ouch" he's thrown into a pillar and gets his head stuck "owww!" The next blow came from his back side so he went flying into a picture of the bride in a picture "owww" he went flying into the roof and looks like he's holding himself up there. He came down "Ryu" came Ayane's cry running to Ryu's side "Ryu who's Ryu?"  
  
Ryu asks in a dumb, dumb voice looking round like a total goof ball "I think you girls put too much emotion into your food" the sister turn to see Kai sigh "the food sometimes can represent the emotion of the one who is cooking them, one side was Kasumi and the other is Ayane and both of them beat Ryu into this senseless form and similarly the rest are acting like odd balls now."  
  
He points to the others who are now acting weird after they had something to eat. Hayate came running in with the pink apron with a feather duster in hand "oh god dust alert!" he shouts a red light on his head running off to a corner to dust "I hate operaaaaa" came Bass singing words stretching the last letter a little long. Bayman is lying on the ground still frozen while Jann Lee is giggling away at the other guys "look at the cute guys weird actions glad I'm still little old me" Kai shakes his head "they'll be back to normal in one hour" he walks off ducking from the flying mop of Hayate's "oh my god bath alert!" he shouts running after Kai who ran through the doors.  
  
An hour later the guys are back to normal and they all look like they went through hell and back "that is the last time I'm going to ever eat your cooking!" Hayate complains "WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Hitomi shouts at Hayate growing some horns "nothing I said you're going have to cook for me more often" he smiles while Hitomi smiles sweetly "oh I see."  
  
Soon they all walk off in different direction while Kai is on a boat fixing the engine "hmmm I knew taking a course in fixing boats was worth it" he told himself trying to bring the boats engine back to life. His head is duck inside the engine "where is that damn spanner?" he thought "HEY!" someone shouts and instantly Kai hears it raise his head and smack it into the door of the engine. Then falls forward and head butts the engine, the engine burst into life while Kai crawls out "owww... my... head... hurts..." he tells whoever it is still dazed "so what's with the speed boat?" He looks over to see Helena standing with Lei Fang and Tina with Kasumi in tow "thought I could fix one of these engines and then have some fun." He checks the engine and 'revs' it with the results of having water thrown at him "yep it's good" he told himself turning the engine off. Jumping out of the boat with a bundle of rope with one end still attach to the boat he walks off "what are you planning on doing?" Lei Fang asks "simple tie this to the parachute so I can pull you up into the air" Kai answers pointing to the parachute "oh I see" Helena replies.  
  
Somewhere else two men are spying on the group of girls watching Kai "hmmm would you think he would steal the prey away?" asks one of them "no he wouldn't she's too hot and young for him" came the others reply "we too old for her!" came one of the others reply "shut up!" he knocks on the other mans head "we got to get her and she will be ours I promise you that" they began to laugh evilly but one of them start to spittle and spit onto the other guy "IDIOT!" came the others reply and he kicks him like a foot ball and launches him out of the bush into a small kiddies pool "hello kids you know what time it is?" asks one of the kids "Beat the guy up!"  
  
End of chapter  
  
Hmmm not funny at all but its up to you to say is it funny or not.  
  
Oh and if a reviewer called God comes here then you can review just don't expect me to be thankful if you go on a flaming rampage again. 


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